Comfort

After traveling to Houston for Thanksgiving and to Missouri for Christmas, we had noticed that Alexandra was having trouble sleeping through the night again. Most nights she would wake up scared and want to sleep with us. After two weeks of this after Christmas we were beginning to wonder if we were ever going to get our full night's sleep back.

One night as she woke up after only being asleep a couple of hours, she was screaming "Mommy" repeatedly in a terrified tone. I wondered if this was a night terror, but I remembered them with my oldest and knew Alex was too responsive for it to be a terror. Yet, she was crying inconsolably. As I held her I began to ask her what was wrong. She just stared at me with a look that told me she didn't know. I asked her if she missed her care giver in Peru and her friends. With the mention of their names, sobs began to flow out of her and I just held her tightly and cried with her. After about 20 minutes of rocking, crying and holding, we wiped our tears and held each other a bit longer. Alexandra then looked up at me with a peace in her face and said "Yo no scared mommy!" She had been feeling anxious and related that to being scared. I realized what a long process grief can be especially if you can't vocalize or even recognize all those feelings. That night she slept through the night for the first time in weeks and has been more settled ever since.

I share this because I realized Alexandra had feelings she didn't recognize and just needed a good cry with comforting and reassurance from her mother. How often would the anxiety and confusing feelings I feel at times melt away in the arms of my Father. As I seek Him and cry out to Him, allowing His loving arms to hold me and comfort me and letting His Words reassure me, His peace washes all over me. That peace that surpasses all understanding. It was a good reminder for me that night to call upon Him daily despite the business of life, before the results of trying to deal with things on my own turn into unidentified anxiety that affects those around me. I know that God put Alexandra in our family for her to have her forever family, but more and more I realize how much God put her in our family to teach us how He feels about those adopted into His family! Oh the love and acceptance He has for us!